Opposites

This weekend I wondered how I could be so happy, and so devastated at the same time. Some good friends of ours gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl, and we were overjoyed. We got to meet her today and she is just so small and cute. A newborn you just want to cuddle and kiss.

However, a tragedy occurred this weekend as well, leaving me conflicted between joy at this new life, and despair over a life that ended way too soon. My cousin Alyssa, a smart, well-behaved, sweet girl got into an accident, falling off of a quad-not wearing a helmet. She was pronounced irreversibly brain dead almost immediately. The only choice my dad's cousin Tommy and his wife Rene had was whether to keep her on life support or donate her organs. What kind of decision is that for parents of a 16-year old to have to make? She passed away last night after some other testing. But, they knew all along the outcome would not be good.

I've been struggling with this. So shocking. So horrible. So unfair. Of course I don't blame God, I know that He does not cause these things to happen. Instead I have to draw strength from my faith, that something good will come of this. And yet all I can think about is how I used to babysit her and her twin brother Jordan. I loved babysitting them because they have a Nintendo, and we were never allowed to have one at my house....I think because my mom gets addicted to them. And I loved playing with them, even though they were 9 years younger and always beat me. One time I was watching them, I was supposed to make Mac-N-Cheese. I was young and forgot to add milk until it was already in their bowls. So, I just added it to their bowls, just a little to make up for it. Well, as soon as their dad Tommy got home, Alyssa says, "Dad, Corie forgot to put milk in our macaroni and cheese!" They thought that was the most hilarious thing in the world. And none of us ever forgot that incident. Ally, who goes to school with Alyssa, told me last night that Alyssa just mentioned that story to her recently. How precious our memories are, to get us by in times as devastating as this. I cling to that memory of her.

When I think of her relationship with her 2-year-old half-sister, I think of Ally's bond with Nevaeh...and it breaks my heart that little Morgan won't have that cool, older sis to hang out with, immitate, and confide in. If I let my mind wander, I just cry thinking of her parents, her brother, her grandparents, my dad who was like a brother to Tommy, all my relatives who are so stunned and broken by this.

So, please pray. Please ask God to reveal himself in all of this, to lessen our grief with the knowledge that she is with Him. We are really saddened by our loss, because she is in a better place, by far.